Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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