then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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