I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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