I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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