When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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