the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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