That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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