I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
accomplished twins. life is a go
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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