Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize