UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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