doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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