the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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