Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
