If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
