3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
