when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Randomize
