Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
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It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
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It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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