idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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