I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
