ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
