We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The Olympian is in my bed
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.