Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.