My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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