so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
