My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize