I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I need to align my fucking chakras
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
