she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
