I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
