dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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