It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
