So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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