my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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