cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
