just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
