i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
