At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
