sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
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Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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