this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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