she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
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Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
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I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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