I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She bit a glass in half.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
