He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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