You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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