Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
