don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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