I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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