You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Do vagina's smell?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
