he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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