she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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