omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
MIDGETS
????
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
