quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
His nipple licking is glorious
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