I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
