please come you make the beer taste better
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
