I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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