That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
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Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
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In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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