I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
