Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
