You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
