My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think my fart just growled at me.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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