Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
