i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Watching her eat just hurts me
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Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
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I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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