I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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