There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the high leading the old right now
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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